Why oh why is this so hard? Why is it so hard to pin down the thoughts and the feelings I have about my hoop journey? I have written it, and it didn't sound right. I have videoed it, and it didn't look right. And now, with the clock ticking, I am going to try and write again, these fleeting thoughts that makes sense in my head but not outside it.
What has my hooping journey been about? It has been about me. It has been about re-discovering myself after losing a part of it for so many years. When I picked up my first hoop, almost two and a half years ago, I knew from that moment I would love it. I never could have imagined the path it would take me on. The twisting, winding, whimsical, ever changing path that I have embraced and loved every second of, from the moment it started.
Once upon a time it was just me. Then it was me and the love of my life. And in those days, we were young and carefree, and the freedom was amazing. When I discovered something I loved, I could immerse myself in it. I could seek out others who would teach me, I could buy the things I needed to succeed, I could practice to my heart's content. Life was very different, and I took those freedoms for granted.
I have been a mother now for over 5 and a half glorious years. It was my biggest dream in life to have a family, and I have the best family a girl could hope for. An amazing husband, and three gorgeous, funny, awe-inspiring children. I gave up everything to be a mother to my children - my job, my hobbies, my body, my time, my energy. I never thought twice about the sacrifices I was making, but over time it does take its toll, and I started to realize somewhere along the way that a piece of me was missing. The part of me that was passionate about something, anything (other than my family), had picked up and moved away. There was a void.
Discovering my hoop filled that gaping hole. It was magical. I never knew how much I needed it, until it was there.
The thing is, I started hooping when I was pregnant with my daughter, and so that first year was filled with frustration. Not just the kind of frustration you encounter when you can't quite get a move or a trick, but the kind I was met with when my family obligations kept me from my hoop. Here I had finally found something that I wanted to learn so much, and yet the timing was terrible. With a small baby and two toddlers, and a husband who worked so much, there was just no time, or money, or energy for that matter, to focus on hooping. So my first year was a write off. I would watch hoopdance videos and it was almost painful seeing what I wanted to do but not actually being able to do it. I kept telling myself to be patient.
It was also hard watching videos of people, or meeting people, who were able to dedicate more time and energy to their hooping, progress faster than me. For the first time since having kids, I missed that freedom to just pursue my interests guilt free and with everything I had.
During my second year of hooping, I started to find more time. I had a lot of breakthroughs that year, and was finally starting to feel like a real hoop dancer. But I was lonely. There were few other hoopers in my town and although I tried so hard to connect with them, it just didn't happen. I felt like my progress was stunted because I lacked that social aspect of hooping. I wanted to get out there and join other hoop groups, but there was nothing like that within hours from me. That's when I started thinking that I should start something, but even at that time it still felt like a far away goal. My family was still taking priority.
The start of 2014 saw a change for me and my hooping. I really turned a corner, and all of a sudden my dream didn't seem so distant. I could actually imagine myself starting a hoop business, and getting out there more with my hooping. I have coined this year: The Year of the Hoop.
I went to Hoop Path in Toronto. This was a momentous occasion for me, not just because it was my first hoop workshop, but also because it was the first time I got to connect with a lot of other hoopers. I can't describe the feeling when I walked in that room and saw them all there, spinning away. It was something I had only seen in videos, and it was amazing.
It was also a very special weekend for me because it was the first time I spent a night away by myself, with no children, in five and a half years. I had never really known how fully immersed I was in my family, until I realized that I hadn't been away from them. When I would tell people this they would give me this shocked look, like how could I have survived five and a half years without a single break? Well, I did! And it made my time away all that much sweeter, knowing I had earned it.
I finally took the plunge and started making hoops, and now something that once intimidated me has become my passion. I love making hoops, it is my relaxation at the end of my day, something that I look forward to. After so many years of pretty much being just a mom, it felt so amazing to know I created these pieces of artwork, with my own hands. My sense of accomplishment felt so exhilarating.
I am now successfully making and selling my hoops in town, and starting to teach hoop dance as well. I am tired of being a lonely hooper! I want to inspire people the way I have been inspired by hooping, and all the hoopers that I have seen and met. I want to get people moving. I want to build a hoop community in this town. After completing Hooplove Coaching, it is my goal to continue with my business selling hoops, and teaching hooping, and also being able to offer other services like performances and birthday parties, as well as whatever other hooping inspired things people would like to see!
Juggling motherhood with my hooping has been a challenge, one that I have fully accepted and embraced. It has been so empowering, doing this on my own. For so many years I had forgotten what I was capable of outside of raising children. Raising my family has and always will be the most important and rewarding job in the world to me, but I am ready for the next step.
I am ready to re-discover the ME in the MOM.
I am ready for Hooplove Coaching. From the moment I read about it I knew it was what I needed, what I wanted. I had already been looking into other courses, but they didn't resonate with me the way this one did. I will be participating in it next week, whether I win the scholarship or not. I have been saving my money and am ready to go!
Thank you for sharing my journey with me. I could never fully explain how it feels, in words or in a video, but I hope that you enjoyed it a little bit.
I can't wait to get started in May!
Until then.....
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| A Day in the Life of a Hoop Mama |
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